Friday, March 21, 2014

New Life with Spring...

It's been two weeks since I last posted and I thought I should give you all an update.  I'm doing Ok. Mentally, I'm good, I've processed things and I'm not dwelling on the negative... life goes on and so must I.  Physically, this was a very hard week. Nature finally happened and it was very painful, but I'm on the mend.  Thank you all for your kind words and prayers, you all really do mean so very much to me whether you know it or not.
I'm still not sure about trying again, but I won't make any permanent decisions at this time.

Spring arrived yesterday with a fresh blanket of snow for us, but the temperatures are warming and the sun is shining now, so it won't be long before we can break out the sandals and capris(I'm tired of jeans and boots).

Ok, on to the main topic of this post... and yes, I probably am crazy, but luckily I have the most wonderful hubby in the world and he goes along with my whims and desires.    
We got a new baby girl!  I'm  happy and proud to introduce you to little Miss Jenny :)

(the little boys with her on the way home)

Mason adores her, and the feeling is mutual...

Though after only 6 days at home with us, she knows who her mama is :)

Look at that face... even hubby is whipped by her cuteness(and she knows how to work it)

Ya, she does a lot of sleeping. But when she is awake she is so fast it is hard not to get a blurry picture of her.

She is a Sealyham Terrier.

And I am going to groom her into our spritely little hiking and walking companion.

She is doing very well with potty training and is sharp as a tack.
She weighs about 3.5 lbs right now, but she should get to around 10lbs(according to the calculator online) but her breed is around 16-18 lbs. She is a sturdy little dog and is very social.

Sweet, right?

It is definitely like having a newborn in the house, constant attention is needed, but it's worth it.  I have some projects in the works, so hopefully in a few weeks I can get them done and share them with you. But for now, I'm enjoying a soft little furball curled up and sleeping on my lap.

Happy Spring,


Friday, March 7, 2014

4 Times...

Well, I hoped to make a post in a few weeks with some joyous news, but yesterday that all got shattered.  I went in for an ultrasound, I should have been 7 weeks 3 days.  There was a sac measuring a week behind and no heartbeat.  Once again, for the 4th time in 13 months... another miscarriage.  This time though, I get socked in the gut with a missed miscarriage. My body is still acting pregnant, still symptoms, and no signs of it ending soon.

I keep asking myself "why?". Why does this keep happening?  Why do I keep getting teased with being pregnant, only to have it ripped away from me? Why do I have such a strong desire for just one more baby?

I feel like I'm being emotionally tortured.

Yes, I do have seven beautiful children, but a loss is a loss, and it doesn't hurt any less because of blessings I already have.

I don't know if we will try again. I don't know if I can take getting my hopes up again. I don't know if I can handle another loss.  I just don't know anything right now.

I wonder if I'm being tested. And honestly I don't know if I will pass.  I won't say my faith is broken, but it certainly is hurt at the moment.

Today I have to put on my game face, a happy face... for my children(who do not know), for school tonight where I have to help out with art night,  for people at the bus stop(who don't know), for the world.  I feel like this past year has been a lot of me giving to others, doing things to please others, being and doing things that aren't me, and not being true to myself or what I want.  Maybe that sounds selfish and I guess it is,  but I'm worn out.  I'm tired of being insecure, which is really what this past year has been about.  I know I'm rambling and it probably doesn't make sense.  And you really don't want to read a sad and depressing post.  But this is where I am right now. I'm not pretending all is OK, because I'm not OK.


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Working On...

The craziness of school volunteering projects is almost over, I just have to get through art night this Friday, then I have a break for awhile.  Today I am cleaning some of my house, I won't get it all done, so I am just taking it one room at a time.  I am really in the mood for some Spring cleaning and having a massive yard sale, but that will have to wait until the snow is gone.

I've slowly been working on this Home Sweet Home sampler that I picked up at Goodwill ages ago. It's starting to come along nicely and I really like the two toned look of it.

Back to cleaning.
Have a great day,