Five weeks, that's how long blogger says it has been since I last posted. What can I say? I needed a break from blogging I guess, or maybe I'm just not motivated to blog. I miss my blog friends, but sometimes that reminds me of how many real life friends I am lacking. Maybe I'm finally coming out of a weird Spring Blah feeling, maybe my life is just so full of stress I started to focus on things that I could control and left the work of making a blog post off to the side. What ever the reason, I do feel the need to catch things up a bit.
I do still feel like that dandelion seed floating in the air, but I'm working on being a lighter seed :) So much right now is not in my control that I finally decided to take hold of one thing that me and only me has control of... my body. Remember when I went on Weight Watchers, way back when? Well I only lasted about 3 weeks, lost 13 lbs, then fell off the weight wagon. I felt like I was always thinking about food, counting the points and wondering how much each food was worth. It just didn't work for me, or maybe I just wasn't ready yet.
In January of this year, I decided to try to lose weight again, on my own, eating right and exercising. It started to work and I lost 9 fairly quickly. ( I forgot to mention that I had gained those 13lbs back from WW plus some). Then I had the miscarriage in February, and that through me for a loop, the weight loss desire stopped and I gave up again.
March rolled around, I was tired, irritable, and was totally lacking self confidence, I needed to do something.
I realized that my parents would be coming in June for my daughter's graduation and the last time they saw me was in the middle of December for Cameron's boot camp graduation...at the heaviest weight I have ever been(non pregnant). I was disgusted with myself, and while they didn't say anything, I could tell by the looks. I know at 39 years old, I shouldn't be seeking my parents approval, but I am. I want my mom to compliment once in my life, to say I am beautiful or at least that they are proud of me. Never once while growing up did they tell me I was pretty. I know that shouldn't mean anything, but it does hurt, especially when they would say it about other people's daughters. Now, I know I am no true beauty, but I don't think I am hideous, and I know that looks shouldn't matter, but we all need our spirits lifted and self confidence boosted every once in awhile, especially when we are growing up.
I was lucky enough blessed with a wonderful husband who tells me every single day that I am beautiful and how much he loves me, but the scars on my self worth are deep and I don't always hear what he says. I soon realized that only I can truly give me confidence, it has to come from me. So even though I still want some kind of approval from my parents, I need to do this for me.
On April 1st, I decided to start new. With healthy food, exercise, lots of will power, and plenty of prayers....as of this morning, I'm down 32 lbs from where I was in December!! I reached my first goal of where I wanted to be before my parents come with 3 weeks to spare, so I hope to lose 5 more lbs before they get here on June 8th.
I feel better, my clothes are getting too big(had to get rid of a lot already), and most of all... I can actually sleep at night!! I didn't realize how big a deal this would be and how little sleep I was actually getting because I was so fat. My apnea is pretty much gone, I haven't had any reflux, and I'm finally getting restful nights of sleep after many years of torture.
I still want to lose 50 more pounds, but I'm taking it in baby steps. I'll get there, one small goal at a time :)
What else has been going on the last 5 weeks? I'll show you some of it, starting from today and going back...
I've been on a geranium kick for the house, I love them. I have them every summer outside, but this year I wanted some for the house too....
Remember my big wood cow that I had in the kitchen window? I painted him white... love him. I took him out of the window and just propped him on the mantle one day because I didn't know where to put him. Then I realized that I really liked him there, so I left him :) It has inspired me to move my cows to the family room. I will have to show you my latest cow once I make him over, he is awesome and totally quirky.
And I rearranged the family room, which required me to redo the walls. Plus, I'm lightening up my color scheme, which inspired me to make a new cow for the room.... I'm still working on this wall, but the basics are up.
My free art project. Wood from the garage, paper template I made myself, and left over spray paint. Ya, he is a bit short in length(my daughter says stubby), but oh well, he's still a cow!
I'm changing over existing things I have to a lighter look too..
I've been taking stuff down too. I need to go through this pile of stuff and figure out what I'm doing with it.
Yesterday, we celebrated a 7th birthday!!! Happy Birthday Zach! You are a sweet, sensitive, kind, and smart little boy and I'm so blessed to have you as my son. I love you!
He got a Nabi and a trip to the movies...
It's a dining movie theater and everyone had a blast.
Oh ya, the cake was a total pinterest success! A homemade icecream cake...layers of ice cream sandwiches, covered with frosting, and topped with crumbled oreos! It was sinfully good. I allowed myself a tiny piece.
May 14th was the 5th Heavenly birthday of Nathan. I celebrated by cleaning up his garden and putting down new mulch.
I also got him a small blue bird statue.
We've been cleaning up the outside over the past few weekends. We still don't know what our house plans are, but I couldn't avoid the outside any longer. I moved things around and made some small rock gardens with rocks and succulents I already had.
We tore out the fences and the plants(transplanted them to other areas) and are just putting grass back down(now if the seed would only start to grow!~)
My hostas are coming up nicely... I love their vibrant green.
A day after I moved this birdhouse here, a pair of chickadees made it their home. I can't wait to see the babies.
This past winter we had a good wind storm, that knocked some of the picket fence down and also tore off my pretty screen door. It was beyond repair. The door seems naked now and I miss it, but if we stay here, I hope to get another one. Here is how the porch looks right now.
I haven't had a fern in years, because I never do well with them. But I wanted to try again this year and really wanted it for this corner. Thank you hubby :)
Mother's day was lovely. I hope you all had a wonderful day too. Hubby got me perfume and a sweet purse(has little deer and birds on it, my youngest daughter helped him pick things out and suffered through smelling lots and lots of perfumes!). He also took me out for a day of shopping and even survived some clothes shopping with me, lol! Then he grilled a yummy dinner. My oldest daughter bought me a lovely necklace and earring set to wear dancing(I'll get to that later). Cameron sent me two dozen beautiful roses and called me. The little ones made a really nice mother's day tribute video, it was cute and funny). It was a really good day and I couldn't be a prouder or happier mommy to these amazing children.
And we are still enjoying the crazy antics of our newest furry addition. Zoe is the oddest cat. I caught her just sitting here at Mason's little play table for over 15 minutes.
We went roller skating one weekend. I used to live at the rink when I was in high school. I love to skate, but boy did I forget what a workout it is! Mason picked it up right away.
My day didn't end so well... I fell. Not doing anything fast or fancy, just going slow and trying to guard Zach while we were on the big rink. Nothing serious but man did it hurt.
We also took a ferry ride out to Peaks Island.... You can see three lighthouses on the way.
This is House Island...
View of Portland from Peaks Island.
We found lots of sea glass and pretty shells.
A fun day for April break.
So that is a brief catch up. I can't say if I will be back to posting on a regular basis or not, it's just like life, I will have to play it by ear. It's also a busy time of year, prom this weekend, field days, last bulletin board, teacher gifts, graduation, parents coming, and so on. I promise not to totally disappear though:)
Oops! I almost forgot...back to the dancing thing.... Hubby and I have been taking ballroom dance lessons every weekend! So far we have learned the Samba, Hustle, Waltz, and Foxtrot. It's totally fun, we get some exercise, and I get a chance to dress up, plus it's a nice date night. We will never be on Dancing with the Stars, but hopefully we will be able to hold our own on the dance floor, if I can just learn to let him lead!lol!!
Have a lovely Spring day,
Tiff
