Five weeks, that's how long blogger says it has been since I last posted. What can I say? I needed a break from blogging I guess, or maybe I'm just not motivated to blog. I miss my blog friends, but sometimes that reminds me of how many real life friends I am lacking. Maybe I'm finally coming out of a weird Spring Blah feeling, maybe my life is just so full of stress I started to focus on things that I could control and left the work of making a blog post off to the side. What ever the reason, I do feel the need to catch things up a bit.
I do still feel like that dandelion seed floating in the air, but I'm working on being a lighter seed :) So much right now is not in my control that I finally decided to take hold of one thing that me and only me has control of... my body. Remember when I went on Weight Watchers, way back when? Well I only lasted about 3 weeks, lost 13 lbs, then fell off the weight wagon. I felt like I was always thinking about food, counting the points and wondering how much each food was worth. It just didn't work for me, or maybe I just wasn't ready yet.
In January of this year, I decided to try to lose weight again, on my own, eating right and exercising. It started to work and I lost 9 fairly quickly. ( I forgot to mention that I had gained those 13lbs back from WW plus some). Then I had the miscarriage in February, and that through me for a loop, the weight loss desire stopped and I gave up again.
March rolled around, I was tired, irritable, and was totally lacking self confidence, I needed to do something.
I realized that my parents would be coming in June for my daughter's graduation and the last time they saw me was in the middle of December for Cameron's boot camp graduation...at the heaviest weight I have ever been(non pregnant). I was disgusted with myself, and while they didn't say anything, I could tell by the looks. I know at 39 years old, I shouldn't be seeking my parents approval, but I am. I want my mom to compliment once in my life, to say I am beautiful or at least that they are proud of me. Never once while growing up did they tell me I was pretty. I know that shouldn't mean anything, but it does hurt, especially when they would say it about other people's daughters. Now, I know I am no true beauty, but I don't think I am hideous, and I know that looks shouldn't matter, but we all need our spirits lifted and self confidence boosted every once in awhile, especially when we are growing up.
lucky enough blessed with a wonderful husband who tells me every single day that I am beautiful and how much he loves me, but the scars on my self worth are deep and I don't always hear what he says. I soon realized that only I can truly give me confidence, it has to come from me. So even though I still want some kind of approval from my parents, I need to do this for me.
On April 1st, I decided to start new. With healthy food, exercise, lots of will power, and plenty of prayers....as of this morning, I'm down 32 lbs from where I was in December!! I reached my first goal of where I wanted to be before my parents come with 3 weeks to spare, so I hope to lose 5 more lbs before they get here on June 8th.
I feel better, my clothes are getting too big(had to get rid of a lot already), and most of all... I can actually sleep at night!! I didn't realize how big a deal this would be and how little sleep I was actually getting because I was so fat. My apnea is pretty much gone, I haven't had any reflux, and I'm finally getting restful nights of sleep after many years of torture.
I still want to lose 50 more pounds, but I'm taking it in baby steps. I'll get there, one small goal at a time :)
What else has been going on the last 5 weeks? I'll show you some of it, starting from today and going back...
I've been on a geranium kick for the house, I love them. I have them every summer outside, but this year I wanted some for the house too....
My hostas are coming up nicely... I love their vibrant green.
Mother's day was lovely. I hope you all had a wonderful day too. Hubby got me perfume and a sweet purse(has little deer and birds on it, my youngest daughter helped him pick things out and suffered through smelling lots and lots of perfumes!). He also took me out for a day of shopping and even survived some clothes shopping with me, lol! Then he grilled a yummy dinner. My oldest daughter bought me a lovely necklace and earring set to wear dancing(I'll get to that later). Cameron sent me two dozen beautiful roses and called me. The little ones made a really nice mother's day tribute video, it was cute and funny). It was a really good day and I couldn't be a prouder or happier mommy to these amazing children.
We went roller skating one weekend. I used to live at the rink when I was in high school. I love to skate, but boy did I forget what a workout it is! Mason picked it up right away.
We also took a ferry ride out to Peaks Island.... You can see three lighthouses on the way.
Oops! I almost forgot...back to the dancing thing.... Hubby and I have been taking ballroom dance lessons every weekend! So far we have learned the Samba, Hustle, Waltz, and Foxtrot. It's totally fun, we get some exercise, and I get a chance to dress up, plus it's a nice date night. We will never be on Dancing with the Stars, but hopefully we will be able to hold our own on the dance floor, if I can just learn to let him lead!lol!!
Have a lovely Spring day,