Mid Winter Blahs?

Maybe it's the February Blahs or maybe it's all that is going on, but I'm just feeling "Bleh" right now. Just a warning, this post is probably going to be full of a bunch of questions and whines and all over the place ramblings and maybe some self pity(and very bad grammar!), just so you know.

The pictures have nothing to do with this post, they are just random shots around the house, because a post needs pics in my opinion :)

I'm really struggling with blogging right now, but have been forcing myself to do it because I really do enjoy the experience as a whole and don't want to lose it. But my love for antiquing and decorating is choked at this particular period in my life. We are kind of in limbo at the moment and I really don't know what the next year is going to be like. As I mentioned before, we are 99% likely moving in the summer, so that puts wanting to do anything in this house at a halt for me. I still will do small rearranging and stuff, but it's kind of lack luster and just for practical purposes.

Winter has been really strange here, warm, cold, snow, rain, but no true winter, no huge snowstorms and our large lakes aren't even frozen. With that, just give me Spring, as much as I like winter, if it isn't going to be real, let's just move on to the next season. Plus, I am planning a Major yard sale. Everyday I mentally say to myself that I can't wait to get rid of all this stuff and lighten up the load that I feel is on my shoulders. I am cutting down on toys, clothes, craft supplies, and all my knick knacks and furniture. My basement is overflowing waiting for the sale. But I can't do it until at least May, unless we have a really nice April.

I want a more simplified prim farmhouse look, but then when I see homes arranged just right that are full of "stuff", I like that look too. My problem is that I'm not a purist in any one genre, the only thing that runs similar is that I like OLD things. I guess that's ok, because it is my home, and maybe I just need to stop looking at pinterest photos!

Another thing I realized with a lot of blogs that I love and the homes within them is that most don't have a bunch of munchkins living at home. So if they stage a room, the room will stay that way. My kids are great and for the most part are not destructive, but if I place a prim child's rocking chair with an old doll in it in front of the fireplace, do you think a 2 yr old will not be tempted to play with it? Like my hubby always reminds me, this is our home it's not a showroom, we actually live here(with children). So I really need to let that go, the fact that I can keep my home nice and have an homey antique feel is great, but for now it won't and can't be staged. Why is decorating so important to me? Why do my eyes have to see perfect vignettes and I'm not happy till it is arranged just right? I know that not everyone is like this.
Then there is this place where we live. I just don't fit in here and I feel like there is nothing here for me. We have no family here. No friends that we get together with. Yes, I do have some friends, but nothing real close. A lot of people "know" us but they really don't want to "get to know" us. Does that make sense? We are one of the largest families in town and people know my children through the schools(they are well behaved and polite) and people know me as the crafty mom or the throw the class party or make the costumes mom. They talk to others as if they are friends with me. But have they ever come over to my house for tea or me to theirs? No. My definition of a real life friend is not the same as others.

I don't drink and I'm not a workout mom, so the margarita parties and the gym are not places for me to make friends(most of the women in my age range fall into these two categories).

I tried to start a craft group at the library(neutral ground) and gave it 5 months, but nothing, no one showed(other than the two friends). We were hoping to meet some women with common interests. I really don't know what is up with this town. It is very "keep up with the Jone's" and I hate that.

I look and look for things to join, craft wise, but I can't find anything and feel so lonely. I do know that I tend to have greater ambitions than I have time and I always say that I'm full of good intentions but don't always bring them to fruition, but I just wish I could find a nice group of women to get together with. One where if I miss a week, the group still goes on but when I'm there I feel at home, and they feel the same way. Oh how I envy those of you when I read about your hooking or quilting groups or the ladies you get together with to go junking.
And it doesn't help that we haven't been able to find a church either, I'm sure that would fill my need for fellowship. It's not that we haven't tried, trust me, we have, but that is a whole other story for maybe one day in the long distant future.

It just always feels like it is hubby and me against the world and we can be nice, follow the rules, and share but in the end we get pooped on. I feel like I'm constantly seeing the witches of the world reap all the rewards. Oh, I know that sounds awful and I'm not talking about just material things. I was shown this over Christmas with my own extended family and that we were not as important as others and blatantly told so(again, another story for another day).

Ok, I really don't know where I was going with this post, I guess like I said, maybe it's the winter blahs and I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I do thank the Lord for my children, hubby, and all that he has blessed us with, I suppose my mind just does not do well with living in limbo land and not knowing what is going on with our immediate future.

It probably also doesn't help that my hormones are wrecking havoc on me and I am having a severe case of baby fever. Yes, I DO want another baby. I would have 10 more if I could, but in reality, I would be thrilled with just one more blessing.

If you got through all that, bravo to you, lol. I guess I'm off to take down the Valentine decorations and clean the kitchen, do laundry and squeeze in some sewing.

Thank you for listening,

Tiff